Friday, March 16, 2012

Not The Worst Thing in the World

In case you didn't get the memo, we have twins.  And when we had twins we immediately went from having two children to having four children.

And apparently, that gives everyone the right to comment on the size of our family, the amount of work it must be, how tired and broke we must be and how glad they are that it isn't them.

Well, first off, I'm glad it isn't you, too.

Second, let me tell you a little something about how we came to have twins.  No, I didn't go through IVF or any other fertility treatment, but thank you very much for asking me that in line at the local grocery store, I found your question to be totally appropriate and welcomed considering we've never met before.  If I had gone through fertility treatments I probably would not have told you that, though, because in reality it's none of your damned business.

We have twins because we decided to try and have a third baby.  And we got pregnant.  And then we weren't pregnant.  And then we decided to try again.  And we got pregnant.

And then we had an ultrasound.

And then we found out we were having twins.

And while it was quite possibly one of the scariest things we've ever encountered, it was not the worst thing in the world.

And it still isn't.

Is it a lot of work?  Sure, but so is one kid or two or 22.

Are we broke?  OF COURSE WE ARE BROKE!  We have children and I am a teacher.  I know some of you are under the false assumption that teachers pull in the big bucks but I'm here to reassure you, WE DO NOT.  AND anyone with kids, one or 42, is shelling out a lot of cash each month for kid related things and that often leads to trying to figure out which bill you can let slide until next month and which one you have to pay RIGHTNOW.  And, yes, sometimes cable wins out over everything else.

Are we tired?  This might be the dumbest question ever.  Both my husband and I work full time, he actually works two jobs, and we're trying to remodel and paint our new home.  Yes, we're tired.  But I have yet to meet anyone who isn't tired these days- kids or no kids.

So, there are your answers to all the questions and assumptions you've made, except for one.  The worst one of all, actually.

I am SO TIRED of heard people say to me, "Well, we're thinking about going for number 3 but look at what happened to you guys....I just don't know what we'd do if that ever happened to us!"

First, let me say this, when we found out we were having twins I was terrified.  Terrified of being pregnant with two kids at once.  Terrified of raising twins and the cost of it all.  Terrified of all of the implications that these two new babies would have on our lives.

But never once did I ever think to myself, "Oh, why did this have to happen to us?!"

Having twins is NOT the worst thing in the world.  It's not even CLOSE to the worst thing in the world.  And I don't think that saying something to the effect of, "Look what happened to you guys..." is an appropriate thing to say or even think with regards to children.

Any time anyone says this to me I want to look at them and say, "Really?!  Because it sounds like you're equating my children's existence to being in a car accident or losing your home or getting some awful disease.  Is that really what you think?"

Do you understand what a gift I have been given?  What my family has been given?  And what you would be getting if you were lucky enough to have twins?!

No, because if you did then you'd keep your f-ing mouth shut and not say something so insensitive and rude.

Did I enjoy being pregnant with twins?  Nope but I didn't enjoy any of my pregnancies.  And you know what?  I'm not in the minority.  There are TONS of women who don't enjoy pregnancy.  Yes, it's wonderful to know you're growing a human or two or three and when you feel them move it's amazing but, I didn't enjoy pregnancy at all.  That doesn't mean that I didn't want my children.

Was it a large adjustment when our twins came along?  Of course!  We all of a sudden went from a man defense to a completely penetrable zone defense and we're still trying to figure out the full court press that we need to maintain order.

But, my God, I wouldn't change a thing.  And having our twins was not something that, "happened to us".  It was something that not many people will ever get to experience and holy shit am I grateful for that.

Having our twins has been an incredible roller coaster of emotion and chaos that many days is hard but exciting and exhilarating.

And you know what?  If you really look at us and base whether or not you should try for another kid on the fact that we did and ended up having twins than I implore you, don't try for another kid because you're not going into it for the right reasons.

If you end up trying for another kid and you end up with twins I hope that you recognize how incredibly lucky you are.  Really, you're lucky no matter how many you have.  I hope you also have the opportunity to look at your babies on the floor one day and smile at the fact the you have two adorable kids who are making life so much fun and so much more work that it makes you exhausted at the end of the day.  I hope you get to think to yourself one day, "Wow! Everyone should have two babies at once because this is actually a lot of fun!" And then the projectile vomit will hit you and you'll, maybe, reconsider that for a moment but only a brief moment because the baby that vomited on you is now laughing at you covered in their predigested formula and cereal!

The worst thing in the world, for me, would be if we had never had our twins and then I really have to wonder what would have happened to us then?


Maura said...

Great post!

My fellow twin moms and I have long wanted to make a shirt that says, "We're glad it's not you, either. Bay Area Mothers of Multiples"

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